Monday, 10 March 2014

I am no longer a Morrissey fan

I started to write a review of his autobiography just after the book came into my hands. But then... but then things happened and I realised I was no longer a fan.

Notes for a Review (based on the first 21 pages)

I'm going to write a review of it when I've finished reading it, but even though I'm only on page 21 at the moment, I can give a list of reasons why it's annoying me:

1. These are lyrics, not prose. Go on Youtube, search for "Peter Serafinowicz Morrissey" and watch as your sides split while Pete *sings* the first page of the book. It's hilarious. It does however make it very hard to read. For me, too, it's a problem, because I've written songs. I start reading his "lyrical prose" and I'm thinking, "Ooooh, I could do a nice intro for this on my 12-string!" and I can hear the drums, and I've got a string section warming up over here, nice baseline, pleasant distortion on my semi-acoustic - ARRRGH NO THIS IS DISTRACTING ME ARRRGGHHHH!!!!


2. The first paragraph is four and half pages long. It doesn't need to be. There are natural breaks in it. But alas, no, he plunges on (sorry for the potentially unpleasant image that may give you). 

3. He seems to be using the wrong word sometimes. You know how when you're talking or writing and you mean to say "indignant" but you say something else instead like "indigent" instead - not as a typo, but a kind of brain-typo? He does this *all* the time. Not long after the world's longest paragraph this side of Molly Bloom's monologue (perhaps that was the point?), he talks about the early 70s ("it was the 70s; Buckaroo!") when he starts developing his musical tastes. We get "By this he means my merging musical obsessions." I would suggest he means "emerging". It annoyed me so much, I reached for my pen and underlined the offending word. Maybe he does mean "merging", maybe I'm wrong - I'm sure plenty of his acolytes will tell me it is not the Mighty Moz who is wrong, but pathetic provincial librarian over here, but... it doesn't sound right, does it?

4. The need for an editor. Really following on from point 3, and sort of point 2, and yes, let's be honest, point 1 as well. An editor would have asked if he meant "emerging" (I'm sure he did, I stake my claim). There are sentences where he hasn't put in a verb, so you end up reading them three times to make sense of them (and then still can't). And I would suggest that the very obvious lack of an editor is linked with the fact it's a Penguin Classic, like it's Homer or something - because no one wanted to criticise him. They knew that if they did, he'd bugger off. Think how many copies this book must've sold by now. Penguin are having an ace time, even with the surprising discount. Think how many copies they've sold to the US too because there's no American publisher (at the moment... no doubt that will change when they see the sales figures) where his fans are the least critical of all.

The thing is, it's a shame, because it detracts from what is otherwise rather entertaining and interesting. I haven't a clue what Irish family life was like in Manchester in the late 50s and 60s. But it's very hard to read when I am forced to wade through unedited, overwritten porridge.

That was then, this is March

I didn't get any further than page 106. I just can't bear it. The whole tone of this book is a relentless "poor me" which has me reaching for my Steve-Buscemi-in-Reservoir-Dogs-"smallest-violin-in-the-world". Added to this are moments of, what seem to me, casual misogyny, and the constant feeling that I am David Bellamy rummaging my way through near-impenetrable forest, and I just couldn't go on. There's so many books in the world - so many - which are a darned sight more interesting and pleasurable to read than this self-serving wank.

And since then, too, Morrissey, who was rapidly diminishing in my estimation, has managed to fall off the scale completely. To the point where I can now take a deep breath, and hand on heart declare - I am no longer a Morrissey fan. 


His tedious emissions shot across True To You manage, with astonishing ability, to make him seem ever more odious with each verbal spew. 


[trigger warning for casual mention of sexual assault] 


I don't really know where to start with which comments of his rile me the most.... The underlying misogyny of his comments regarding morning sickness, his constant, tedious and utterly pointless and VERY dull waffle about the royal family and David Beckham, his comparisons of meat-eating with sexual abuse, his complete inability to consider the lives of human beings - struggling human beings. Apparently we all hate David Cameron because he likes to go fox hunting. What? Really? (then again, if he ever did talk about the disgraceful number of people reliant on Food Banks, he'd just moan because you can get tins of corned beef from them)... I mean... I just... I just despair. Each ranting, spittle-frothing missive is more bile-ridden than the next, and seem to be aimed with one thing in mind - exposure. Up until recently he didn't have a record deal and how can someone keep in the public eye these days without recourse to murder or Strictly Celebrity Ballroom in the Jungle? Being offensive online, it would seem. 


Let's be clear - there are fans of Morrissey's who have been sexually abused and who have found solace from the ensuing pyschological and emotional torment in his music. To then see him compare it with meat-eating is disgusting and offensive and so fucking glib that I would willing stamp on his toe rather than wish him good morning. It is completely unwarranted and childish to compare such things - to even mention it - there are such things as triggers, and for Morrissey to just fling words about like that, without thinking through the consequences on survivors and victims, just to get himself in the papers, reeks of a repellently selfish brand of pathetic desperation.


Perhaps now that he has a record deal and a forthcoming tour, he will calm down a bit. I know he's always been one for being *controversial* in the press, but I feel that his most recent pronouncements have been downright offensive and upsetting. I can only imagine his slightly unhinged obsession with the royals (perhaps he really will break in with a sponge and rusty hammer, Brenda - I'd watch out!) is partly because he lives in the US where the only news you ever see on mainstream telly about the UK is about the royals (Prince Harry in a helicopter!), and it must've been very tedious to hear about Kate's morning sickness - but you know what, as a female, I'm *not* down with a bloke telling a woman to, essentially, stop moaning about her morning sickness. Severe morning sickness can kill, Morrissey. Just so you know. I've never given a toss about the royal wedding and the royal baby and all that, but when he made that declaration, I actually came down on Kate's side instead of Morrissey's. You did that to me, Morrissey. Really.


And need I even comment on the Daily Mail-style views he expresses about the racial make-up of the UK? And how hypocritical it is from the lips of a man who is an immigrant in the US?


I don't care about his new album. I don't care about his new tour. There was a point where his music was enough that I really wasn't that fussed with what he said (and that what he said wasn't too horrific), but his last couple of albums have been forgettable, and I can only suspect that the next one will be too. I'm not going to a gig and risk being crushed by the selfish dicks who call himself his fans, who he encourages to act like dildos so that they can touch his hand, only to be subjected to the boring rock-dirge of his new stuff. I've had enough. I really have. He can shove his poorly-written autobiography and his doubtlessly dreadful album and his bilious, offensive rants up his fundament, and my life shall be all the richer for it. 

1 comment:

  1. In all honesty he's never been someone I could stand the sight of, but it's always rather sad when someone you admired bites the dust.
    What horrible, horrible things to say.
    And as someone who actually experienced the very worst form of hyperemesis I can assure anyone it is no joke, it's bloody terrifying.

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